Sunday, August 28, 2011

Two Week Notice and Two Other Things

I'm blogging to remind myself that life is moving rather fast. I haven't quite caught up and the more time I waste settling to another match of settlers with strangers or participate in idle chats, that these days of challenge will slip by unnoticed.

The irony is the name of this blog "bragging rights: cause this life is required to be awesome" is the reason why I am in such a state of indeterminable mess. Seeking to have not just an "okay" life but a freaking awesome life has been such an arduous journey. I'm only 26 and I'm already tired and defeated. The questions have finally started seeping in: maybe "okay" is enough, the status quo is safer then the unknown and worst yet, maybe I'm just being selfish. Putting my family and finance in jeopardy seems like the last thing that I would have ever done, but I can not control z this past week. Even though I see the first fruits of my decision already, I can not see a happy ending and I'm already thinking about playing it safe. I don't even have plan I have confidence in.

But I know now this is the time for prayer and Hope: the two things I have forgotten about but should have been the only thing I needed to pack for this next chapter in my life, scratch that, all my life. I'm not sure if the decision I made was good or right but damn, I already made it and I have to stick to it. The desire to be counter cultural, live a new way, being a servant, having a burning passion each and every day, now that is how I define freaking awesome. Even as I type all those things out, it's been so tiring to seek now even more scary to actually take the steps. But to be completely honest, I haven't been taking those steps in prayer and Hope.

I can only wait and see ...

...that maybe with prayer and Hope, awesome won't be so tiring. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Mine

You took me by surprise


When you said "I’ll never leave you alone"


You said "I remember how we felt sitting by the water


And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time

I feel in love with a careless man’s careful daughter


She is the best thing, that’s ever been mine.



Hold on make it last
Hold on never look back
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Engaged July 15th, 2011

Friday, July 8, 2011

Nightmares

Why is it so hard to sleep these days.

This new job has required more mental energy and strength then I have spent in years. I shiver just to think that tomorrow I will be battling it out again. Remain a positive light, don't let the work get to you and act like you give a damn. And all that it will take out of me, yet I still won't fall prey to the comfort of my covers. I sit here, abiding my time wastefully. Facebook, Twitter, Words, email.... waiting. I would like to say I am like a watchmen waiting anxiously and faithfully but I do not know what I am waiting for these days. My scattered hope for the things to come remain helplessly abandoned by me. I only dare to pick it up when I have enough courage.

And yet, time still ticks on as my keyboard clacks. I am not being productive .

I remember a friend in college once said, he sleeps late because he wants more out of his day. So he thinks if he stays up more will happen. But I am not sure if that is the case for me. Maybe I am beating myself up because when I lay down tonight, I will have to come to the conclusion that today, I do not feel like I have come one step closer to my big dreams. That they still remain far from my reach. Sometimes I fear, if I get closer to them, will they be as shiny as I had imagined?

So honestly, at 12:26am on this Thursday night, what are my dreams? The dream that has been hushed silent due to years of being in the same financial state? My dream is to be a middle school teacher. I vow to teach out of love and not routine. To be available instead of frustrated. To teach them math but to also give them the courage to live outside the lines so maybe... one day they too will write a blog post like this one.

Maybe I am naive because, honestly, I dream to make this world a better place.

Perhaps, tomorrow.