The irony is the name of this blog "bragging rights: cause this life is required to be awesome" is the reason why I am in such a state of indeterminable mess. Seeking to have not just an "okay" life but a freaking awesome life has been such an arduous journey. I'm only 26 and I'm already tired and defeated. The questions have finally started seeping in: maybe "okay" is enough, the status quo is safer then the unknown and worst yet, maybe I'm just being selfish. Putting my family and finance in jeopardy seems like the last thing that I would have ever done, but I can not control z this past week. Even though I see the first fruits of my decision already, I can not see a happy ending and I'm already thinking about playing it safe. I don't even have plan I have confidence in.
But I know now this is the time for prayer and Hope: the two things I have forgotten about but should have been the only thing I needed to pack for this next chapter in my life, scratch that, all my life. I'm not sure if the decision I made was good or right but damn, I already made it and I have to stick to it. The desire to be counter cultural, live a new way, being a servant, having a burning passion each and every day, now that is how I define freaking awesome. Even as I type all those things out, it's been so tiring to seek now even more scary to actually take the steps. But to be completely honest, I haven't been taking those steps in prayer and Hope.
I can only wait and see ...
...that maybe with prayer and Hope, awesome won't be so tiring.