Lights Out

[As I am typing this I am listening to Yiruma and Jeff Bjorck, for those of you that know him.. it might explain the mood of this post. The weather certainly does not contribute any sort of natural sas or spunk I may have had in previous posts.]

I have a cell phone. I have a wallet. Got a new debit card but I am waiting for more indispensable cards to come in the mail. Beans, snail mail has never felt quite this, well, snail-ish. I have somehow done all my Christmas shopping and wrapping via Amazon Prime but have not gotten a California's Driver's license yet. Funny huh?

I learned a lot by not having a cell phone but to preface I cheated. I used Google voice to text and used my mom cell's phone quite a bit, so I did not ever go completely Amish and looking back I wish I had the right amount of balls to try such a venture in 2010 or whatever. I am a little shocked at how easy it was to revert back to the dependency of the mobile device and plastic for money but perhaps one week is not enough time to break a habit. It doesn't help that I did not have a clear goal in mind. Alas, all these lessons learned.

There's only one lesson or revelation I would like to share with the world that I found pretty interesting.

I believe all this technology just leads to us being more in control, almost like we are trying to level the playing field with God. I know that's a pretty extreme statement. But, I'm going to leave it at that. Partially because it's too cold to type but also because it's a highly controversial statement. But think about the direction of things we are trying to improve: "real time", "world at your fingertips", "stay connected" and etc. With cell phones, internet and computers, we are able to "do" instead of giving room to "hope" or "trust" that things will work out.

Perhaps I will extrapolate more tomorrow when I'm in a heated room, but that is all I am leaving the world with tonight.

Snatched!

It is always a funny revelation how closely we are all tied to one another. Everyone has this sense of individual security. We have our plans for the week, month and year. Today I thought around this time I would be at Planet Granite winding down from my first run in two weeks or bouldering the new V1 routes I have not touched. By 7pm I would be hitting the showers and getting ready to enjoy dinner with a couple of darling friends. I even gave myself options because we are all about the freedom of choice. But instead, I am oddly typing on Microsoft this blog entry in my car in a parking lot. This is a pretty ultimate low. Thankfully I am parked in a corner so there are no witnesses.

By my dear beans, I hope that this won’t be a rant because those blogs are never really that fun to read. On Sunday my family had to deal with the consequences of buyer’s remorse and ended back at the Great Mall.  Due to my uncle’s plans not aligning with ours we had a hour to kill at this Great Mall. My mom went into one of those shops that my little brother and I dreaded. (think Tupperware) We were chillin on the bench outside. I even remember thinking, this is nice just goofing off with my brother talking and laughing about nothing of any sort of significance. When my mom returns we finally decide to take off to our destination earlier than planned because the Great Mall is really not that great.

When we are getting up to leave I realize my purse is no longer next to me. (For those skeptics, yes I’m sure the purse was with me when I was on the bench because I remember texting while waiting for Mom.)  I kept my cool and used my mom’s phone and put a hold on my mobile account, bank card and credit card. Everything else I considered lost. Gift cards, 10 day gym pass, rewards card and etc. Crap, I just realized my insurance cards are in there! Anyways,  I even refused my mom’s offer to go home instead of eating dinner with my relatives. I told my family “it is what it is, life most go on”.  Today I went to the DMV to apply for a duplicate license and filed a police report. Additionally, there were a lot of residual thoughts today.

Because someone decided to take an unsuspecting strangers’ purse, my seemingly safe world has been cracked. Last night, I went a bit frantic as I read what people can potentially do with your license. I was never very concerned with identity theft but tomorrow I am going to sign up for Identity Theft Protection for a month . Realistically, I will probably have to use a stupid phone* for 5 months. This really ticked me off for 3 hours. And I hate it when I’m angry because anger seldom solves problems. I just kept thinking:  I have no options. I am stuck. Things that were part of my everyday, are now gone. It is not just the contents that were in my purse but pieces of my so-called-freedom.  And I’m not mad at whoever took my purse. I’m just astonished at how quickly the seams of daily life can easily be loosened and become something I have to fight for. The mean lady at the DMV, the insensitive banker who could not give me my temporary bank card and the busy fob AT&T rep that said I can only get a SIM card if I paid with my debit card are all shards of time I did not plan for, including this entry.

Now I have reached the end of my anger and I feel oh-so-very defeated. But so is life. And as quickly as my purse was taken away so will these emotions pass and maybe sooner than later I will be back to believing in the security of my plans and choices. But it is fun to hope that I can learn a great deal more. So if you have followed this long blog entry thus far: I am going to go without a credit card and cell phone for a week and will diligently report back my day to day thoughts. 

See ya'll in a week! 

Balls.

I know I said I would write about the marathon, but I realized I never write what I should write. Maybe I'll write about it next week. Due to recent events and conversations I've been tangling the idea of intimacy around my fingers and synapses. Because of the taboo of this topic this post is probably not for the immature hearted.

It's really easy to strip someone of their clothes. You have hormones, physical tension and pleasure nerves all working on your side. Maybe it takes people longer then others or longer then they would like. But if both are semi-attracted to each other and have that longing,  I'm sure with some tick for tack it'll happen. And what gratification that must be to have the fleshes' fire quenched. It's the trickiest drug out there because it involves partaking with at least one other soul. Perhaps that adds on to the mysticism of sex (in case I wasn't making myself clear).

So that's physical intimacy. Undeniably pleasurable for most and lets face it if we have our guard down we're all pretty easy.

On the flip side, stripping someone of their thoughts is not so easy, seemingly impossible. You have years of mental walls, insecurity and sneaky lies working not on your side. Maybe we don't even want to go there or we find something that we don't like. But think about that one person you really love (brother, mother, lover, friend), they probably have some self- taught loathing mechanism working against the grain of their being. Rarely revealed because who signs up to be Debbie Downers lover, friend of family? But most people carry beliefs their whole lives that are not true. I was a carrier myself and it was not benign. The scary thing is it infects us all without being aware of it. Treatment is hard. It involves real intimacy. This intimacy is not to be done one on one. This intimacy involves your world. Past, present and future. Needless to say, it's not easy. It really comes down to if you really want to be known by yourself and others. If you really want to be stripped.

So that's real intimacy. Unpopular opinion for most but lets face it, people with no balls take the easy route.

Indefinitely

This blog has been harder to maintain then I thought, I do have several posts pending just have not really had the time to smooth out the edges. I've been training for a half marathon, but this post is not about that. (Even though the half is in less then 24 hours, I will probably post about that some time next week) This post is about something even greater that took longer and a lot more energy to train for: a relationship.

About a year ago, I began to try to press my body to run a bit more than before. I found out pretty quickly that I run longer when someone was on the treadmill next to me. Perhaps I am a tad competitive but in my own strange way I thought I need to run as long as the person next to me.  Sometimes this would all blow over. They would never get off and I would give up after almost rolling off the treadmill or they would get off just as I was getting warmed up and I would be left to run alone. (These are all complete strangers by the way.) One day I was running next to someone who was going about my pace and we were both doing so well. I broke out of my wall of 3 miles and was feeling great! It just so happened that this day was around Valentines Day, sad to admit, but I was thinking about the mystery of dating. Somewhere between mile three and mile four I realized that life would be pretty awesome without having a "man". I can live epically married or not. I still have not decided if these thoughts are from my own self diluted sense of pride or because I know my creator loves me, maybe an accumulation.

As I was running I made a very important vow. I would not partner with someone who could not keep pace with me, were not going the same direction and did not love to run. I mean this all figuratively, of course. The last bit meaning the man would not be okay with staying still or walking leisurely through life. He has to be on fire, running, because the desire to live presently demands more than just surviving. I thought that this was a tall order and probably impossible but I was very determined not to settle. I would have grace but I would not compromise my point of interest/destination or who I am.

Three months ago (give or take a day) once again I was proven wrong. That in Him all things are possible. It just took me a few gentle loving nudges and some pushes from great people to realize there is someone who does have all of that going on and so much more. It's just toppings that we happened to be great friends.

And to answer the odd question that is awkwardly but sometimes asked: Yes, we are happy, indefinitely. 

Happy Three Months. 

Recycle- Reduce- Reuse

I give all credit to California for making everyone here so green conscious. I remember in elementary school when they kicked off the whole Recycle, Reduce, Reuse campaign and in high school we got the blue trash bins just for recycling! I was telling my friend how I find it odd that when I go anywhere else in the world, the recycle bin is a foreign concept! But this weekend, I might have figured it out. We live in California. Where the weather is never bone chilling or plastic melting, beaches are always beautiful, mountains are lovely and enough trees for a thousand woody wood peckers. Actually, I might just be speaking for northern California... I only recall palm trees in Southern California. Regardless, California pretty much has it all! Surf, Ski, Rock Climb, Hike, Sail, you name it and we got it! It's no wonder we love the earth enough to make an extra effort to throw away our plastic and paper in the bin next to the trash. 

This Sunday morning however, I took it up a notch. Inspired by numerous people, aka peer pressure and wanting to be cool, I dug my first compost hole. It was a glorious 3 feet by 3 feet. In it was dried rice, dirty grapes, old peaches, wet paper towels and stale bread. I covered it with the soil we got from union city that was made from compost! Mind you, it sounds like a little hole but it was very hard work because parts of our backyard has never been used before so the soil has turned into clay. I can't wait for it to be healthy again! Maybe I will plant some sort of fruit tree! Strangely this experience had a very spiritual affect on me. It felt very holy to bury my trash for some reason. I wonder if other people feel like that too. Connected to something greater because they are protecting the Earth that was given to us as a gift. 

So I don't know the logistic of compost... Like: 

• How deep the trash is supposed to go? How much soil should you cover it with?
• How long does it stay in there before it turns into something else?
• What the heck does it turn into?

But I decided I will keep doing this. Hopefully I am composting correctly. Slightly tragic if I am not.  One day, maybe just maybe, I'll have my own *Mango tree. It really does give you a sense of peace doing such a barbaric thing as burying your left overs. But you should give it a try! 

*For those Mango lovers out there, there's no way Mangoes can grow in California. I guess we don't have it all. 

Purpose Statement

After messing around with a couple ideas and drafting several proposals, I have decided what direction to take this blog. Okay, I didn't really do all that, it took about 5 minutes to decide. I am going to write what I want to write about when I want to write about it. All the while being entertaining, cause life is a riot and erratically awesome. The catch is I will always have to be honest. I know that sounds easy, because I'm not writing bed time stories here but to really be honest about how I feel about the stories I tell. So this might get a little ugly. 

 I also hope to look back on posts like 5 years from now and think "Stupiddd....." , cause that just proves I have become just a bit smarter and God-willing a little more sophisticated. 

Enjoy. 

Tickle Your Fantasies

I'm having a rather difficult time deciding on where I want this blog to go. Entertaining, witty and spunky? or Personal, Soul-giving and Honest? But in the mean time it will continue to be as silly and honest as I can be.


I am quite certain everyone has dreams. I had many of them as a kid. I'm not talking about the dreams you have at night of a beautiful pony coming along nor the I want to be an actress when I grow up. I'm talking about the absurd dreams that make you smile. Things that you have heard whispers or seen peeks of them as a kid and thought "gosh that would be flippin awesome!". Here are a few of mine that I recently unearthed:


T.Ped:

I have always wanted to T.P someones house.  Ideally I would want to do it with my best friends, we would dress in ninja attire and pull up in a car that resembles a batmobile.  Then we would proceed to do the average throwing the toilet paper around the trees and bushes and after throwing the toilet paper I would like to lightly spray the toilet paper with sugar water. Then, I would cover the lawn in flour and cheerios (maybe fruit loops if color was necessary). To finish up this piece of art I would throw shiny confetti all over the walk way.


I originally wanted to do this for my bachelorette party but there's simply no one I could bring myself to do it too. I thought maybe I could do it to all the jerks my friends have stumbled upon in their lives but, to my surprise, they have all forgiven the douches before I had. So I guess unless someone throughly pisses me off, this dream is now just a distant thought.


Food Fight!:

Ever since I watched that movie scene, I knew I would rock in a food fight. I anxiously waited until it was my turn to partake in such a saga. But as the years began to pass by, I realized no one would ever be the first to pull the trigger at a science camp full of Asians or church retreat full of forgiveness and love. This dream actually began to die at the young age of fifteen until recently someone mentioned how they had the same dream! The reminder created a spark in me and I thought, hell if no one is going to make it happen I will!


I thought for my 25th birthday this would be such a fitting celebration. I would tell everyone for my birthday I was having a food fight and that you can bring whatever food you want just make sure it can adequately serve "six people". Of course there would be rules for peoples safety, like no durian shells or frozen meat. Nothing that would cause a TKO. The plan was to put all the food in the middle, everyone would have some sort of tray and would start from the sides. When the whistle would sound, then everyone was free to go and get the food. Then everything was fair game. Of course, you can only throw food.. and not punches. I thought this would be such a fun event and wanted to invite everyone. I even found sites that had instructions!


I was so fancied by the idea and imagined how fun it would be to invite the Cambodians... that's where the dream came to a screeching halt. I could not imagine how they would react if i did such a thing.... I could imagine them wide eyed trying to protect the food.

So that's that. My two childhood fantasies squashed by maturity and my own conscience. I am glad that I have bigger and better dreams for my life or else that would be rather depressing.

Public Indecency

In my 24 years I have observed different habits after coming off of the toilet.

The person who:
- uses soap, scrubs for the full 30 seconds and rinses
- uses soap, scrubs for about 5 seconds and rinses
- rinses
- does nothing at all

The person who does nothing at all, just flat out irks me. No matter how I try to rationalize their behavior I can't think of what compels someone to not at least rinse. The people who rinse at least fake it for other bathroom patrons. I hate it when I'm in the stall doing my business and I hear the person coming out of another stall and just walks out the door. Well now all the people after that person are left in a funk. Unless you carry around a travel sized Lysol, you're going to have to think of something fancy to not come into contact with germs.

I have become quite paranoid when using public bathrooms, I have a way I go about these things and I always wonder if I'm a bit crazy. I never touch the flushing handle thing (don't know the correct term), I use my foot. This is very selfish on my part because I probably make it ten times dirtier. Sorry to all girls in advance. Then I wash my hands, I don't do the whole sing happy birthday twice because I don't believe anyone does. I use two paper towels (sorry trees) and if there's a door, I use the paper towels as the protective cover for my hands when I open the door and either stash it in my purse or throw it away. Typing it all out makes me feel a little OCD. Hmp.

Confession: So I was not always miss perfect bathroom etiquette, far from it. I guess, since my parents grew up in Asia, washing hands after going number one or two was a luxury. (This makes sense, we use water, soap and trees when we wash our hands in public restrooms.) Therefore, my mom never thought to teach me the importance of washing hands since all of Asia probably does not do so. They probably have bigger problems like surviving. (I'm not soul-less, I will probably blog about more important smatterings as this relationship progresses.) I was taught by a dear little friend. On the first day of first grade my little friend Jillian looked at me in disgust as I began to pass the sinks in the bathroom and accusingly asked "You're not going to wash your hands??!" reflexively I said, "of course I am!' and copied everything she did. And that set this habit into motion. Then in college I had to take several Molecular and Cellular Biology classes and let me just say, if you're a germaphob, please do the world a favor and do not major in MCB. After some of the lectures, I devised plans to become the bubble girl. 


Please note, I do not judge you if you do not wash your hands, just please don't tell me.

First Post in a About Three Years.

I blogged in high school to college (actually who didn't?) and enjoyed every lick of attention, time composing posts and the community I found through blogging. Then I entered the real world and life got a little too complicated for a blog to handle. I spared all my readers from the stories of being drunk and throwing up at a BART station to the emotional turmoil of being laid off.

But after battling through and surviving three grueling years of "adulthood", I think it's safe to blog! Plus, my boyfriend blogs and I can not get over how cool his blog is that I want to do it too! I hope the world finds my life interesting, cause hell, I sure do.