Why is it so hard to sleep these days.
This new job has required more mental energy and strength then I have spent in years. I shiver just to think that tomorrow I will be battling it out again. Remain a positive light, don't let the work get to you and act like you give a damn. And all that it will take out of me, yet I still won't fall prey to the comfort of my covers. I sit here, abiding my time wastefully. Facebook, Twitter, Words, email.... waiting. I would like to say I am like a watchmen waiting anxiously and faithfully but I do not know what I am waiting for these days. My scattered hope for the things to come remain helplessly abandoned by me. I only dare to pick it up when I have enough courage.
And yet, time still ticks on as my keyboard clacks. I am not being productive .
I remember a friend in college once said, he sleeps late because he wants more out of his day. So he thinks if he stays up more will happen. But I am not sure if that is the case for me. Maybe I am beating myself up because when I lay down tonight, I will have to come to the conclusion that today, I do not feel like I have come one step closer to my big dreams. That they still remain far from my reach. Sometimes I fear, if I get closer to them, will they be as shiny as I had imagined?
So honestly, at 12:26am on this Thursday night, what are my dreams? The dream that has been hushed silent due to years of being in the same financial state? My dream is to be a middle school teacher. I vow to teach out of love and not routine. To be available instead of frustrated. To teach them math but to also give them the courage to live outside the lines so maybe... one day they too will write a blog post like this one.
Maybe I am naive because, honestly, I dream to make this world a better place.
Perhaps, tomorrow.
